Yesterday was a big day for me.
It started very ordinary. But it became big. Because I had decided to try a little experiment.
I decided to let go of my expectations.
We’ve talked about what a control freak I am, right?
Buuuut I thought I might give it a go anyway.
So I did my regular morning stuffs-read my books. Exercised. Drank vats of coffee. Then I got ready to head to work….Aaaand I couldn’t find my shoes.
I looked in my car, by the door where I normally leave them.
As I started to get irritated, I remembered my intention-to let go of expectations. I slowed down. I took my time. And not too long after, I found the shoes.
This is not a shoe story.
As I arrived at work, I noticed a colleague just inside the entrance. This beloved is someone who is perpetually happy. He always has a positive word to say. He radiates light and love wherever he goes.
We exchanged our typical pleasantries. Being kind, he asked about my weekend. But when I asked about his, he replied that it was a little rough.
He looked me straight in the eye, giving me the precious moment to opt out. To walk away after leaving it on the superficial. And I thought about it, I really did. I was already late (given the unfortunate shoe incident).
But there was something there. Something more. Something…sad.
So I asked what was going on. I looked him back in the eye. And unconsciously told him I really wanted to know.
He told me the previous weekend his sister had been going to help someone with a task. As she was driving, she was shot by a stray bullet. Killed instantly.
He went on to discuss what an extraordinary human being she was. That she had cleaned up his wounds as a kid when he fell. And that she had held his hand through his wife’s cancer as an adult.
This lovely human had impacted lives. She had left a legacy of love. And he was feeling the loss of her presence in his world acutely.
She was an angel on earth, he told me. And he was grateful that he had gotten to have her in his life for as long as he had.
I stopped. I teared up. I was taken aback. By this man’s deep pain. By his sister’s unconditional love. I tried to hold space. I asked to hear more. But mostly, I just listened and tried to remain in presence for this dear friend.
Eventually I hugged him and participated in my day, deeply impacted by his shared vulnerability.
The ironic thing is that if I had known where my shoes were, I might have missed him. He would never have been in that doorway. His job is constantly in motion. And I would have missed this essential moment.
This makes me wonder what else I’m missing. By conforming my life to the structure of what I think I’m supposed to be doing, am I living an authentic life? Or am I overlooking what life might truly be about?
By letting go of the expectation of what I thought my life should be yesterday, I discovered a moment so poignant it still brings me to tears as I am writing this.
So I think I’ll try to keep letting go. Allowing the Universe to guide me to exactly where I need to be. And perhaps I can eventually rest in the knowledge that this might be right where I'm at.
Namaste Light Workers.