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“May all be well, happy & secure”-David Alexander

The pandemic has not been an easy space for me. Despite my spirituality I have discovered that I have some serious gaps in my practice of peace. Through my haze of stress and uncertainty I became quickly agitated, jumpy even, after achieving miraculous results with meditation in these areas. Long story short-the pandemic shot most of this work quite quickly to h*** in a handbasket.

I worried. I fretted. I cleaned. And cleaned again….And Again. I vacillated from a state of What else can I do?! to an attitude of I just can’t find the strength to care anymore. I couldn’t figure out why my peace had betrayed me-especially when I needed it the most.

Finally I came to a space of serenity. Although I still harbored worries and fears, I accepted where I was in the moment and allowed the pendulum of my anxiety to swing a little-just slightly off center. The way I did this was through writing and expressing myself in a journal.

It gave the moment purpose and made the pandemic feel like it meant something. I identified with this journal. And, unknowingly, it defined me. Writer Estelle, making meaning out of the uncertainty. I felt vindicated. I felt important. I felt like I could get through this.

Funny thing about attachments and the Universe-the Universe can bitch slap that misperception right out of a girl. And it did. I lost every single piece of writing I had created since the pandemic began in one-overwritten keystroke.

I cried. I railed. I attempted many failed recovery efforts to locate the document. But worst of all-I began questioning the meaning of this all over again. I questioned whether writing was truly my journey. My sacred task. The monkey voices in my head became louder again….

After my tantrum subsided something revolutionary became clear. The Universe was not telling me to elevate my individuality, my self-importance (ironically) though writing, as I once thought. It was reminding me of the value of the collective. That connection is important, valuable, and very easily taken for granted.

I have discovered many disowned and broken parts of myself via the alone time during the pandemic. The nature of the isolation, by its very nature, encourages this kind of introspection.

But what I had failed to recognize was the value of being mindful of one-another. That we all breathe the same air. COVID, quite blatantly reminds us that we share the same space. And that polluting this space with our words, deeds or any other activity in a negative way has an impact on the collective.

We can be well, happy and secure in the presence of this moment. Even when it’s a tough one. Even when we feel like we have lost the very things we thought defined us.

You are more than a journal, attending an event, or even those moments from yesterday. You are divinity in expression. A tiny perfect piece of the Universe defined by this moment you are with. Choose to make it a joyful one. Shine on light chasers!

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Apr 04, 2021

Excellent lesson in clarity! I felt this blog! Your words perfectly expressed the COVID year. I, also, blogged about the year yesterday which seems to indicate we are coming out the other side recognizing the gift we were given in the midst of fear!

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